Invisible
by K Hanna Korossy
Summary: Home missing scene: John received Dean's message. John POV.


**Invisible**  
K Hanna Korossy

I got there just in time to see the poltergeist expelled, or what I guess we all thought was the poltergeist. It fooled even Missouri, so I'm not surprised it fooled the boys.

I hadn't planned to come, not to see the boys nor back to this house, not yet. But I get Dean's message—I got all their messages—and this one I finally couldn't ignore. Dean's usually my rock, the one I can always count on to stay strong and on-mission, and when he sounded like he was near tears… I'm sure the boys think I'm heartless for ignoring them. They have no idea I listen to their messages until I have them memorized, especially Sammy's after all the years of silence. But for their own good I have to stay away, for a while longer, anyway. I know they don't understand that, but I also know it's true.

But Dean begging like that I couldn't say no to. So I came, and watched from a distance.

It was a long time after until I saw them come out, long after the new owner of the house came back with her children, long enough for me to worry through a hundred times what might have happened to Sammy or Dean in that house. That's something I've struggled with since the day Mary died, wondering if I was keeping my children safe or risking them even more.

Then they walked out the door, Sammy and Dean together, and my breath caught. My boys had become men.

Sammy had been eighteen when he'd left for school, wiser and older than his peers but still young. He'd grown a little taller since then, but also gained an invisible burden that, even from across the street, I could see weighing his shoulders down. I'd tried to raise him, to prepare him, but in the end he'd grown up overnight just like I had.

Dean had changed, too, in the few months since I'd seen him. The swagger was still there, the attitude that reminded me of myself at his age. But after they said good-bye to Missouri, I realized Dean was walking slower to match Sam's pace, mindful of his brother instead of just barreling ahead, an awareness I hadn't seem in him since Sam left and only realized now had been missing. He'd grown up, too, and they'd become a team.

I was glad for it; every parent wants their children to be close to each other. But it made me miss them more, and worry about how healthy it was for them to have only each other, especially in our line of work.

Because Sammy had obviously been hurt, moving cautiously and rubbing his neck. Dean stopped once to talk quietly to him, their two heads bent together in a way I'd never seen them connect with anyone else. I wished… I snorted to myself. There were a lot of things I wished, but that had never made a difference.

They were staying to watch the house, long after Missouri left, and I stayed to watch them. I'd traded cars several times since I'd left Dean, and he wouldn't have known the one I was in, nor were they expecting anyone to be there. Sam looked around a few times, almost like he felt something, but even though I ducked, he didn't look at me.

He saw the woman before I did, though, and their scrambling out of the car made me realize the house had new victims.

I can't put into words how it felt watching them run into that house. They didn't hesitate, even with Sam's injuries and it being _the_ house and not knowing what they would face inside, and I was proud of them. But to watch helpless as my boys ran into harm's way…I swear, if I didn't know for sure how dangerous it would be if I joined them, I would have, my plans be damned. It killed me a little more to sit there and pray long-forgotten pleas for God to not let that house take more of my family.

Then Dean came out with the mother, and then the kids alone, and Sam didn't appear.

I couldn't help myself. I climbed out of the car.

I could feel Dean's panic when the door slammed shut, and strained at invisible bonds as he ran to the car and armed himself. I encouraged him silently as he battered a hole in the door and slipped inside, and then I finally followed, skirting the woman and her children so she wouldn't see me. Not that it would matter much if Sam was dead.

I stood at the door and listened, and saw what little I could. I caught a glimpse of Mary, and couldn't clear my eyes of tears enough after to see much else, but I heard. I had always mourned for my youngest who had no memories of his mother, but Dean was the one I hurt for that moment, because he remembered and still missed her, and was losing her now all over again. Then Mary went on to Sam, and one day he'd know what she was apologizing for, but for now I'd keep her secret, too.

And then she was gone, sacrificing herself willingly and permanently this time for her boys. And it was just the three of us again, once more suffering our loss at that house. And the boys didn't even know I was there to share it with them.

I stayed long enough to make sure Sammy was okay, that Dean was making him sit down because even from where I stood I could see he was on his last legs. But they had each other, and while the future still terrified me, for now I knew they'd be all right. I went back to the car and drove to Missouri's, who wasn't surprised to see me.

I hid in the back when Dean came soon after to get her, and listened to him explain what had happened. He said he just wanted her to come and make sure the house was really clean this time, but I could hear he wanted her there for Sam, too, because he was worried about his brother. Sammy's changing somehow, in ways I don't understand. But they both know it, and one thing that does scare Dean is not being able to help his brother.

Missouri left with him, and I came out and sank down on her couch to wait for her return. The boys wouldn't be back, I knew. Dean would be leaving Kansas as soon as Sam was able.

I'd come because Dean had asked, and he hadn't even known I'd been there. Someday he would, but in the meantime it wasn't safe, and my main goal in life, more so than finding Mary's killer, was to keep them safe. I wasn't going to risk that now, even if it hurt them. Even if it hurt me. Soon I could tell them the truth, and we'd be together again.

But as I sat there, my face in my hands, wondering what the boys were doing at that moment, I couldn't help but wonder if I had chosen the right life for all of us. And if the cost wasn't too high.

**The End**


End file.
